//Our shitshow begins in Valhalla, the bar thats also a fight club in the depths of purgatory. The threesome of friends all sit at their usual spot, the table closet to the wall but farthest to the right, because when a pissed off demon starts shit with an unknown monster with a bad temper, they all agreed that it's best to pick a fight with the wall to get knocked out the fastest and sleep through it. They all had their beverage of choice, for the Reaper, six bottles of beer, for the Werewolf, vodka, and for the headless guy with a heart of gold, club soda, because every group needed that one sober friend to clean up the shit and vomit.//
Hank: So let me get this straight, you, Wendel "The Womanizer" Wolfhart, managed to not only get several dates with, but seal the deal with [[Dracula's eldest daughter]]?
Wendel: Damn Right.
Hank: Well I'll be dammned... you actually did it, you crazy son of bitch!
Grim: What happend?
Wendel:You heard right Grim! Ya boy got the baddest bitch in the buisness, the dashing dansel of the dead, the vile vixen of the vampires to be his lady friend, dude!
Grim: And you expect me to drink to something that will probably only last
three months at most, and a one-night stand at least because.....?
Wendel: Oh, fuck off! Don't hate on me because I came, saw, and conquered, pun fucking intended and I don't regret shit!
Grim: Trust me, you're gonna. Make another god awful pun like that again and your ass is going straight to the 9th circle.
Wendel: Pfft, no you wouldn't,
Grim: I'm the Grim fucking Reaper, I've got the balls and the scythe to do that shit. try me, bitch.
Hank: Come on Grim, you've gotta hand it to him. This is a milestone for someone like him. This could truly be the start of something, special for our friend here, and if it turns out to be the greatest union between a man and a woman, then I'm all here for it.
Wendel: That's righ- wait, whaddya mean "someone like me?"
Hank: Yeeeeeaaah, let's just say you don't have the best track record when it comes to relationships with women,
Grim: Translation: your game is non-existent, and when it comes actually keeping a girl you don't have shit.
Wendel: What are you guys on? I'm GREAT with women!
Grim: Uh-huh.
Hank: Sure you are buddy.
//Both take long sips of their beverage//
Grim: So, this lady friend of yours have a name?
Wendel: Drakelle
Grim: Look at that Hank, he actually made the effort to remember her name! This IS a milestone, might not be a one-night stand after all.
Hank: So what's she like?
Wendel: Oh man, she's got the biggest-
Grim: Her personality Wendel, no one asked how big her ass was and shit.
Wendel: I was gonna say heart, but if you want the details spared on how bangin' that body was it's your loss dude. Anyways, Drakelle is the sweetest girl you will ever meet, she's very chill, easy going, loves poetry and deep coversations and she's just so wonderful, it's amazing.
Hank: Awww, that's awesome dude! I'm happy for you, really.
Wendel: Haha, yeah thanks man, yeah everythings awesome right now, only problem is I feel like I'm gonna fuck up a really good thing. I really don't wanna lose what we have any [[advice]]? I wanna be a better person for her y'know? Hank: Wendel, if you really love her then you shouldn't worry about losing her, Cherish every day, every moment, you have with her. Give her both the best and worst version of yourself, and if you two are serious about each other she'll love you regardless and the two of you will grow as a result. live and love in the moment my friend, live and love in the moment.
Grim: Yeah no, fuck that shit. Do whatever the fuck you guys want inside whatever weird ass bounderies you guys have, just don't get too attacthed to her. The less attached you are, the less of a sting the whole heartbreak procees and breakup is going to be.
Hank: DUDE!!!
Wendel: Seriously?!
Grim: Yeah, Seriously. Think about it this way, Say you do give the best version of yourself or whatever headless cupid was saying, what're you gonna do when she sees a guy that's better than the best version of you? She'll stop giving a shit about your best version and go love the best version of that other guy. Love is a virus, everyone gets the side effects, nobody want's the cure. So love at a distance.
Wendel: Whatever, King-of-the-emo's, let's leave the good vibes to [[Hank]] and when we wallow in self pity and wanna drink the day away we'll call you, [[Grim]].
Hank: Hang on Wendel,if I didn't know any better I'd say Grim here is speaking from experience.
Grim: ...
Wendel: Holy shit, are you?
Grim: ...of course not! Why would I stoop so low to depend on someone for love and affection? I'm the literal personification of death!!!
Wendel: HOLY SHIT! YOU ARE!!!! OHHHHHHHH SHIT!!! THE GRIM REAPER FELL IN LOOOOOOVE!! I KNEWN IT! Under the cold and edgy fascade there's a fuckboy trying to break free!
Grim: Shut. The fuck. Up.
Hank: Who was she??? What was she??? Do you guys still talk?? WE WANT A NAME DAMMN IT!!!
Grim: Can we go back to the subject of [[Dracula's eldest daughter]]? Besides it was [[ A Long ass time ago]].
Wendel and Hank: SPILL!!!
Grim: ALRIGHT!! Jesus! But only because it'll stop Wendel from feeling himself too much, now both of you shut the fuck up and listen. //In the abyss the reaper waits for souls so he may deliver them to the afterlife. For eons he has sent many to their eternal damnation and their everlasting paradise, but for the specter of souls there is no such fate, he is confined to the realm of utter nothingness and is tasked with reading the thousands of mortal souls that enter his domain. Grim had built a small house to reside in when greeting the fallen souls. After some time he grew bored and a deep disdain for humanity due to the heinous acts they committed to one another. His heart grew colder and darker than before, but this is not to say that he hated all mortals....//
//Grim sits alone in the shack he calls home drinking, when there's a small knock at his door and goes to open it, before him stands a tall woman with a badass haircut and sleeve tattoos. //
Woman: You the Grim Reaper?
Grim: Nah, I'm the fucking ice cream man, of course I'm the Grim Reaper! The hell do you want?
Woman: I'm looking for a kid,
Grim: Yeah, well go get laid, adopt, check the playplace at your local Mcdonald's or somethig, anywhere but at my doorstep. //slams the door shut.//
Woman: She's been possessed by a demon!
Grim: Yup, most kids usually are.
Woman: y'know I didn't think the Grim Reaper would be an asshole when it comes to his literal job!
Grim: Lady, in death, you'll find a lot of things aren't what they seem.
Woman: That's the thing I'm not exactly dead,
Grim: //Opens the door// Well in case you didn't get the memo, you don't just knock on death's door for a fucking field trip. So I'll ask again: What the hell do you want and who the hell are you?
Woman: I'm an exorcist, and like I said I'm here about a kid posessed by a demon.
Grim: HEHHAHAHAHA! An Exorcist?! Right, and I'm the award winning actor Keith David! Cut the bullshit lady, I don't have time for this.
Woman: I'm serious!
Grim: Of course you are, but say you're telling the truth and I just so happen to buy into your litte charade, what do your affairs have to do with me?
Woman: Well you are the Grim Reaper, and you do deliver souls to Hell on the regular, sooo.....
Grim: You want me to take you Hell.
Woman: Please?
St
Grim: No.
Woman: Why?
Grim: Because that's not how Hell works, you have to be dead, and if I brought a living mortal to Hell the demons would eat you alive.
Woman: I can take care of myself.
Grim: Tell that to Satan's legion.
Woman: I will once you take me there.
Grim: Not gonna happen.
Woman: Ok then how about a little [[wager]]? Wendel: Well I think Hank is right, I know heartbreak will come, but I'm not gonna waste my energy on something so negative. This is something new and something great for me and I'm gonna see it through, I'm gonna live and love in the moment!
Grim: It's sounds even more stupid when you say it,
Hank: Why can't you just be happy for him?
Grim: Are you seriously asking me that question? Hank, I'm the "Grim" Reaper, Being happy quite literaly isn't in my job discription.
Wendel: Yeah, well being a fucking asshole isn't in your job description either,
Grim: It kind of is though.
Wendel://slams both fist on the table// WELL FUCK YOU THEN! DO YOU GET OFF ON TREATING PEOPLE LIKE SHIT?! I know I'm not the best at treating women with respect and decency and I fucking hate myself for it! But the one time I manage to get it right,you don't even bother to show some GODDAMN SUPPORT!!!
Hank: Wendel-
Wendel: NO! FUCK THIS! I'M OUT! //stands up// I'm headed to Drac's Caslte to hang with Drakelle, because apparently a one-night-stand gives more of a shit about me than the friend I've known for years! //Wendel storms out of the bar and leaves.//
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